Produced by Fusion...Poetry from Within-Me: August 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Who am I to me?

How do you stop emotions from rising and taking control of your mind?
Is it too harsh to say that life is unkind?
To those who wear their heart on their sleeve
And allow whoever says they love them
Surrender and bleed
Is it fair to say the least that the universe is weak?
Searching and seeking, trying to find me
Where in the world could one be?
Hiding, colliding, pain and suffering
Inflicting this manner on ones self
Blaming and pointing at somebody else
Someone please find the lost one
A search for a soul is common
By now I’m getting old
These times are changing
Love isn’t so bold
People are guarded
Hatred has its hold
On life
But “where do broken hearts go
When they can’t find their way home”
Songs of lost loved ones
New and some are old
What happens when the one lost
Is your very own soul
Spirit filled with lifeless thoughts
Waiting to be saved
Come and rescue my mind
Save me from my grave
Determined and focused
Forget about the rest
Life is too short
Do for you what is best
Are these the beliefs that we have instilled in one another
To take for granted the essence
Of the presence of each other
Look out for yourself
Don’t worry bout no else
If this true
Please, I’ll forget about you
But so much of me is invested you see
So if I choose to forget
Turn around and omit
I have left me too
Because now I am you
I do not know enough of the person I’ve become
To stand on my own
And act like I am grown
When my life revolves around
Every person on my ground
So when can I be free
And get to know me
Without having to be
The person who can’t keep
Their promises.
So who am I to me?

Copyright 2009 Produced by Fusion

My Will

I keep asking myself
Is it my love for you
Is it my love for myself
Or
Is it my love for God
That has conquered my fear
And allowed my past to rest in peace
Without any further disruptions
I was addicted to the possibility of options
The possibility of the unknown
And of what is known
Addiction is hard to break
Almost impossible if your will isn’t strong enough to carry your weight
Your shoulders will give up on you
And your heart might break
But your will
It is what keeps you safe
Your will is your scapegoat
Your excuse for every bad decision you make
It is the choice to enjoy the sun in your face
on an early Saturday morning
Or let sheets make the sun erase
I was addicted to the possibilities of love
This addiction is dangerous when you don’t know what you want
This addiction almost killed me
But my will decided
That whether it is my love for you
My love for myself
Or my love for God
I will live to see my possibility of being happy.
My will aloud me to see today.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Gone

I’m gone because you let me go
You refused to receive the love I showed
I gave what I had and left it all for you
But you turned me down and left me oh so blue
You’d say “don’t take it personal”
That this you and I should know
You wear a guard that covers your chest
And no one comes in not even the best
This message you gave much more than twice
But I hoped inside you wanted me for your wife
So I stayed around and tried to wait
The pain inside made me feel like bait
I asked you why much more than twice
With no answer I left in strife
Hoping you would fight for me
Fight for the right for me to be your queen
But now I’m gone because you let me go
I would’ve stayed if I would’ve known
That you do love me like I love you
That you’d take the heart that is on my sleeve
And lift it up so I could breathe
That you could wear my heart buckled around your chest
And let your guard fall, let love cover the rest
But instead you just watched me leave
You turned your back and waved bye at me.

Copyright 2009 Produced by Fusion

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

I did

I did pick up the pieces from a once broken heart and like heat that can melt iron I molded my pieces that fell from shattered tattered stepped and played heart clumps not kept well...promised by the taker the receiver...the bully that through away care like Baberuth threw...

I did stand up straight after torn and worn and bent over like Kunta Kente and like slaves from back in the day like horses permanently galloping and being used to carry some girls dream right before she reaches the altar. I forced the hump or the doctor slump like scollioses moved it, shoved it and stood up straight...straight like being caught off gaurd...straight like opposite of homo...

I did dust myself off after I fell and tripped side swiped I slipped or pushed...didn't matter couldn't tell, the time spent down didn't clown no it didn't snitch because I jumped back up so quick I'm not a b**** nooo I'm rough and tough like the summers sun no mercy naw I can run so no matter how many times I fall of if again you try to push I did I will I will do it again dust myself off because I alwas win.

This lifting of pieces and standing up straight this motion of movement from dust off my face has brought me to him. The him who is he the I will be we...LOL let me stop...I'm working on me.

Copyright 2009 Produced by Fusion

Regret

You are possibly
My most regretful gift received
Overflowing with beauty that is as complex as your integrity.

Copyright 2009 Produced by Fusion

Brain Sex

8/05/2009

Sweaty palms
Pacing, tracing my steps
Reminiscing on my brain sex
Uncertain
Each kiss each caress
Each breath from my chest
Deep
Breathe deep
Still waiting
Each pause more torturous than the rest
Is it too soon
Did we move too fast
Did I allow escalated temperatures dictate my past
Confident or not I chose this race
Have I practiced enough…can I keep up this pace
Anticipation has definitely concurred my best
I can’t hold it any longer
I can’t let it rest
Patience is the professor’s name
If I can’t pass his quiz how can I win this game
Each squirm, each motion makes time grow longer
But I won’t move
I will stay here and wonder
Until each reader and writer who writes
Delivers their thoughts
After they’ve molested mine.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Quarantine…

Offended by your words
Hand-pick by your demonic soul
Insisting on captivating the stars that shine through me
Through my storm…attempt it.
Lift me up into infinity and beyond the pessimistic cosmos
Circling your heart
I’m fine hiding behind optimism…I thrive on it.
Scratch what you heard I’m changing my words
Your strength is not a necessity I can pick up me…
I refuse to believe my Creator created me to crawl…
To crawl and lie half awake waiting for some one to rescue the pathetic empathy
That you show when you look at me.
But can you really see through glass…
Not even windex can bless this transparent substance produced by fusion…
Questionable…maybe
Is it possible for my see-through pane to be clean if you can’t seeeeeee
Smudges from sight-seers handprints disrespecting the invisible beauty
I
Am
Quarantined.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Melodies

12/28/07

Ocean waves are whispering sweet melodies in my ear
The sea breeze is flirting- blowing up my skirt
I’m laying here in sinking sand
Melting into the earth
Watching the moon and sun dance
And the Fiery skies shimmer in the night

This is Love………

Decisions

11/24/20079:30pm

So what am I supposed to do Some one please tell me when it’s time to choose
Between the one you love and the one who loves you
Consistently grasping for breath your heart is telling you not to breathe
Contradicting my last words, “I breathe deep”
But this time I can’t even see
The futureBecause my past is chasing me
Telling me where and who I need to be
But what about me, about what I want inside
Why are my own feelings crushing me
Happiness is my choice of preference,
However these decisions, they’re confusing
I want to love the one who loves me
But some how my lungs have decided for me
Where and who I want to be
Am I the one who hides be hind truth or lies
Hoping for this disguise to change me
Change the way life has molded me
A sudden swift wind, swayed me
Do you remember when life used to be easy
Do you remember when the thought of a white picket fence completed me
I remember when I tried to love me
Its hard to know that loving me, is realizing I who I need and who want to be.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

The Butterfly Effect

11/14/2007

Lying here waiting for someone to save me
Lost in this loveless world
Losing this game that has oh so played me
Longing for warmth after the cold

Finding a reason to live again
Forcing my heart to breathe
Forgiving each sought after sin
Forgetting my pain with ease

Enamored by the taste of summer rain
Everything happens for a reason
Eager for this season to change
Explaining my decision

Hearing my mouth speak words of wisdom
Hoping to recognize my new face
Heading out to test my freedom
Holding on to my hearts rightful place

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

My Gift

My Gift

My gift to you is my love
Love that is endless
My gift to you will always live
Faithful and dependent

My gift will never fade away
So cast your fears aside
My gift is non-perishable
Non-comparable
And can’t be compromised

My gift is both seen through Spirit and through vision
It lives in the breath, that I have given
It is in the trees and the grass that you all live in
And best of all, my gift does not come once a season

My gift to you must be accepted
It must be taken like it is given
This gift to you is in a book
One that I have written
This book is my love letter
For all of you to read
This book tells you just how much
My gift to you really means.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Replacement

Anger replaced the adornment and sadness
Rage has conquered its quest
An idiot you are for ignoring my madness
Revenge is the next test

My being has been tampered and torn before
I refuse to allow it again
You aren’t worth this Deja Vu experience
My patience is running thin

I hope you’re proud of your accomplishment
Your game is oh too sweet
Too bad you didn’t recognize my skill and tactic
You didn’t know this game I teach

I will hit each ball thrown at me
I will tackle each sought after blow
I will stand here and fight like a true soldier
I will conquer anyone attempting to scar my soul

My advice is to run while you can
My grasp doesn’t loosen
This fight you’ll have to act like a man
I guarantee it will be groosem

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Me with you

What is Love?

What is Love?

Is it the warm melt in your mouth
Salivating tongue
Pink protrusion in your cheeks
the honey suckle smell that stained your mind?

What is love?

Is it the beating of the heart beat drum?
Is it the anticipation, the high from your morning run?
Is love giving is love forgiving?

What is Love?

Is it the moving is it the touching?
Is it the pressure for delivering?
Is it the Unforgettable Mind-blowing
Conversation?

What is Love?

Is it the twinkle in your eye
High as the sky
Grin from ear to ear
Nose way up high?

What is love?

Is it the cramp in your face
From laughing with no disgrace
Be yourself with no one else
trust?

What is Love?

Being in love is a profoundly deep, tender, and passionate affection for another person, the desire to want the person, a sort of warm feeling just thinking about the person, and a slight glow when see the person, a look that only you two share, beyond a passion.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Bliss

Bliss 01/08/2009

Bliss painted on my face
-your heart is the palette used to erase
-fragile remains
-like Clorox cleaning up my past
Accepting me and my mistakes

Only me
Airlifted planes
Destination old age
With bliss painted on my face

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion

Run-On

Can you ever trust a Lover when you think they are another and you want to Love them more but then you were unsure because of the abandoned perspiration you have made when the two of you laid worked Love like a 9 to 5 until it hurt when you tried not to rest anymore then you felt like Love's whore because you took it to the end right when it began because you felt him from the start you were feelin' him straight from your heart when you glanced and caught his eyes a gaze of lust in disguise for a new life to begin and the old one to end. He ran straight through your heart a Love that wont depart until the day he runs again because he and we know both that you just wont let him go. He'd have to run straight through your chest...your heart would stall his breath...he would run and you will chase then loose with shameful grace.

Copyright © 2009 Produced by Fusion